Dear Society,
It is my experience that many of you chronically misunderstand mental illness, especially as it pertains to suicide. When discussing suicide, I frequently hear things like “suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem,” or “think about your loved ones.” While stemming from the best of intentions, this advice is completely ineffective and fundamentally ignorant. Now, I’m certainly not trying to say you shouldn’t support loved ones who are battling depression, just that most of you are going about it all wrong. Hopefully, I can help clear up some of these misconceptions.
First, suicide is not a choice. It is the result of an illness, just like death is often a result of cancer, smallpox, ebola, or malaria. These diseases that we are more familiar with are often dubbed “fatal,” but I’ve never heard depression called the same. We are familiar with discussing the mortality rates of different types of cancer, but I bet it sounds a little weird to the majority of you to hear that depression has a mortality rate too! A cancer patient is unable to choose whether they live or die; neither is a patient with depression often able to influence their fate. Since depression is a disease of the mind, the patient has slightly more control over it than a typical disease, but that is only because of the nature of the illness.
Depression cannot be overcome by “manning up,” or “looking on the bright side.” It is caused by a chemical imbalance in the brain. There are neurotransmitters and receptors in the brain that cause us to feel emotions. In layman’s terms, that warm fuzzy feeling you get when you hug a loved one is caused by the release of chemicals in your brain. However, in a depressed person, this chemical response is reduced, making it harder for them to feel emotions; this is why a depressed person often seems distant, callous, like they don’t care about anything anymore.
When I mentioned that a person with depression has a small degree of control over the illness, I meant that they can alter the chemical pathways in their brain by controlling their thinking. We know that certain ways of thinking about things can help a depressed person’s brain resume normal function. This is why therapy is effective. But we also know that therapy often has only a limited impact on the brain’s chemical pathways, which is why antidepressants are often prescribed in conjunction with therapy. Antidepressants work either by making the brain’s receptors more sensitive to the neurotransmitters involved in creating emotion, or by stimulating increased production of these transmitters (depending on the type of drug).
Now that you know a little bit more about the disease, you can understand better how to help people through it. One of the best ways to help is just to let them know you’re there for them, and that there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Tell them that it is treatable, and that there is no shame in seeking treatment. Unfortunately, mental illness is so stigmatized in today’s society that many people with depression think there’s something wrong with them, that they’re weak, when really they just have a very real illness. There is no shame in being sick. Simply letting them know that can be very helpful.
Even though depression can be a fatal illness, it is treatable! Pneumonia used to be a death sentence, but with modern medicine it is completely treatable and most patients make a full recovery. Depression should be the same way, but society is still bad at diagnosing those with depression and stigmatizes it to a point that people are reluctant to seek help. The mortality rate of depression is unforgivably high in society that has the tools to treat it. Now that you know, go out and do something about it.
Sincerely,
Anonymous
PS: I’d like to abolish the word “suicide.” It is simply death. There are no special words for death by cancer, so why does death by suicide need a special word? A person doesn’t “commit suicide,” they die from depression. The word just serves to further alienate depression as a disease and stigmatize getting help.
February 13, 2018 at 1:46 am
big mood
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May 9, 2018 at 5:07 pm
Well said. And I agree suicide is death like any other.
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May 9, 2018 at 7:22 pm
Thank you for seeing it that way, people like you are helping end the stigma!
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May 10, 2018 at 1:42 pm
Thanks for sharing this. Being there for support in all the stages of retrieving mental health and just listening is of utmost importance. Everyone needs someone through the tough times.
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May 10, 2018 at 3:00 pm
It’s so important and there’s not as much understanding as their should be out there, so I wanted to put something out in the world that would hopefully make a difference in someone’s life!
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May 10, 2018 at 9:43 pm
Thanks for sharing this. I’ll reblog this as well
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May 11, 2018 at 1:12 pm
Thanks for spreading it around!
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May 12, 2018 at 12:10 pm
Im on ADs so you have my empathy and sympathy and most of all understanding. It is not an easy trip.
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May 12, 2018 at 12:29 pm
Certainly not, and it’s a journey that doesn’t always end.
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May 17, 2018 at 1:45 am
Very perceptive – needed to be said and you said it. Thanks for liking my post today.
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May 17, 2018 at 10:14 am
And thank you for liking mine!
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May 25, 2018 at 7:36 pm
got you
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May 26, 2018 at 12:59 am
Thanks for the like of my post! How did you get the GDSR cookie thing to appear? Do you bike and where do you live?
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May 26, 2018 at 1:05 am
Of course! Thanks for liking mine as well. I honestly have no idea what a GDSR cookie thing is, so if it appeared that was WordPress’s doing lol. I do bike (fixed gear), but I live nowhere near Austin.
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May 26, 2018 at 1:06 am
Ooh, a fixie stud! Nice work. The GSSR is the EU requirement to have more notices about privacy that was dude yesterday. Also, depression sucks balls. Or ass. Actually it’s probably ass-balls. Yes, definitely ass-balls.
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May 26, 2018 at 1:09 am
Yeah, depression is certainly not fun! I’m trying to help the lucky people who don’t have to deal with it to understand what it’s like to live with depression, and how to best help them through it.
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May 26, 2018 at 3:47 pm
I do find it strange that there is still a stigma about mental illness today, don’t you? There’s so much talk about vulnerability and sharing. I’m not so agreeable that it is such a stigma but rather the depressed person is feeling that way because of the depression. It’s difficult to talk about it during those times.
Lily
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May 26, 2018 at 4:01 pm
Perhaps you run in different circles than I do; down here in the south east of America there is certainly still a stigma, and I know that’s true of many other parts of rural America. In my experience, it’s less of a problem in bigger cities, but I’d like to end the stigma everywhere. Society is certainly moving in the correct direction though, I agree with you there.
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June 5, 2018 at 5:15 am
I wish people take their stupid time to learn about things before laying out a comment on an individual’s perspective. A wrong advice will (however casual it could be) has the potential to push off a person to end it.
Very few of the sufferers have the ability to put it out there so succinctly. I’m glad that certain things on depression is clarified in the post. Go on and spread more love.
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June 6, 2018 at 12:44 am
Will pray for you buddy. You are not alone. Stay strong
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June 6, 2018 at 1:38 am
Thank you!
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June 7, 2018 at 10:45 pm
I can’t tell you how grateful I am to read this.. I lost my lovely brother to his death this way and your words give me comfort because I know that nothing could have made my brother subject to his path than a disease process out of control…
love and support are essential but more education and awareness for the need for systematic treatment and consistent follow up are critical… a truly integrated system is required for any significant survival from this debilitating disorder…
thank you so much for your post
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June 7, 2018 at 10:48 pm
I’m so sorry for your loss! I do wish more people could see it for what it is: death by a fatal illness, and I believe looking at it from a public health perspective is the best way to affect positive change in the current system. I’m so glad you liked my post, feel free to share it around and maybe we can make a change!
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June 7, 2018 at 11:01 pm
Yes I sure will!
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June 10, 2018 at 6:38 pm
This is a very thoughtful assessment of that word. Thanks for being brave and sharing!
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June 10, 2018 at 6:46 pm
I glad you liked it! Feel free to spread it around; it’s an open letter for a reason!
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June 17, 2018 at 6:44 pm
It’s rather unfortunate that in 2018 we still have to reminded that depression is an illness. I’m really glad I’ve come across this post. Thanks for sharing
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June 17, 2018 at 6:58 pm
Thanks for reading! Feel free to share it around so more people can get that reminder.
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June 18, 2018 at 3:02 pm
For sure depression is an illness, and it can be hard to move on from it. Although a healthy diet, good mood food, exercise, and giving free reign to one’s true feeling’s through writing or down the gym can all help.
Also tell people straight, politely but assertively when their actions or words are impacting negatively on your life. Walk away from such people if they will not desist, or kick them out of your life for good, go no contact.
Many toxic people exist, where you would expect truth, trust and friendship. In families, lovers, the church you name it. People such as this will do what they can to drag others down, due in large part to there own toxicity. Steer clear, be with others who lift you up, not drag you down. If no good people are available currently, keep your own company for now. Better off alone than in bad company.
Thanks for checking out a recent post. I’m glad you enjoyed it.
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June 23, 2018 at 11:08 am
Dying from depression. Good point.
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June 23, 2018 at 1:52 pm
Thank you for this enlightening post. “Society is still bad” at many things, not only depression….but society (or at least, a ‘good’ portion of it) is also more than willing to be “there for them” who need them. However, from what I’ve read, many people with depression don’t reach out for needed help, which makes the disease a different animal (for want of a better term) that other diseases. It seems that paying attention to the warning signs is imperative if a depressed person is to be helped before it is too late.
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June 23, 2018 at 4:16 pm
That’s exactly right, and many people with depression don’t even realize they have it, they just know that their life is miserable, so that makes getting help even harder. A strong support network is the number one best indicator of success in recovery.
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June 25, 2018 at 1:53 am
It’s about time people start treating mental well-being objectively and not just as a mere mood swing! Your post really shed light on several important issues. Thank you for writing this!
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June 25, 2018 at 2:44 am
And thank you for reading it!
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June 27, 2018 at 6:45 pm
Thank you for sharing this – it’s not just useful for friends or relatives of those suffering from depression; it’s also useful as a reminder to depressives that they are not broken, just unwell.
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June 27, 2018 at 7:55 pm
Of course! I’m glad you enjoyed it!
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June 28, 2018 at 9:19 am
Reblogged this on Reet Singh and commented:
“We are familiar with discussing the mortality rates of different types of cancer, but I bet it sounds a little weird to the majority of you to hear that depression has a mortality rate too!”
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June 28, 2018 at 10:04 am
Thank you so much for the reblog! I want as many people to read this as possible.
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June 29, 2018 at 10:57 am
Thank you for liking my recent post. I also want to comment on your well written piece here. It is very informative. I have been a nurse for 40 years and so often hear well meaning people say the wrong things at the wrong times!
I also believe there is a spiritual component to all of life including illness. Our soul makes manifest it’s trouble often through our bodies. God is real and our creator and cannot and will not be left out of the healing process. Just my opinion but thought I would share.
You are a lovely writer and thanks again for stopping by my blog, Blue Cordelia!
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June 29, 2018 at 12:19 pm
Thank you Jill!
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June 30, 2018 at 2:04 am
Death is death and there’s no form of embellishments that would make it anything less than that. Depression kills and you have said a lot. Thanks
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June 30, 2018 at 1:38 pm
Thank you for reading it!
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July 5, 2018 at 4:49 pm
Depression can often also be one of the so called comorbidities to ADD, ADHD and also some forms of autism…. Thanks for speaking up. There certainly still is a social stigma to it and mental health is still not regarded as something important to everybody. Even people who are mentally stable should be aware and willing to create a climate to foster mental health instead of rejecting those who are not fulfilling certain societal standards. Having depression within my close family and knowing several people who didn’t make it out of the dark, I can certainly relate. Being somehow predisposed, being hypersensitive and with my family history I try to be as proactive as possible (which means taking St. John’s Wort once the dark season starts for example…). Great post, I gonna share it.
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July 5, 2018 at 8:51 pm
I’m glad you liked it, and I’m glad you’re aware of your predispositions so you can take care of yourself! Please do share it, the more readers of this the better.
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July 6, 2018 at 6:49 am
Good point to make. This would hold true for other forms of mental illness that affect the chemistry of the brain. Thanks for visiting and liking Poetic Injustice.
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July 6, 2018 at 7:59 am
Of course Karina, and thank you for visiting and liking my site as well!
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July 11, 2018 at 4:20 am
This is such an eye opening post – thank you so very much, and also for visiting my blog. Honoured,
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July 11, 2018 at 4:34 am
Hey, you’re quoted in Community Quotes page here, hope you approve, do have a look-see ? https://innerdialects.wordpress.com/quotespics/
you’re a fabulous piece of work, and I love your honesty and wisdom in this open letter. I’ve some close dear ones that were victim to this heart rending condition and never understood how it could happen. Depression is such a vaguely defined term. Thank you, and I wish you the very best with all my heart. You are, repeat fabulous
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July 11, 2018 at 10:32 am
Thanks so much for quoting me! I absolutely approve and I think you even found the most important part of the piece to quote. Thanks for the well wishes, have a wonderful day!
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July 11, 2018 at 1:40 pm
I will and you too.
Hey I’ve done a post on Edvard Munch’s painting, The Scream. Curious as to what you’d say on my take ? https://innerdialects.wordpress.com/2018/07/10/the-scream/
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July 11, 2018 at 1:39 pm
Honoured !
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July 11, 2018 at 5:33 pm
What an excellent post. I have never suffered from Depression but I have some friends who have. I think that there would be a step forward if the sickness that is ‘depression’ was separated from ‘feeling a bit down in the dumps’. Sometimes when I worry about how to deal with a lack of money or my child being ill or any of those everyday catastrophes that are a part of life I might say I am feeling depressed BUT this is not having ‘depression’.
Again, this was an excellent, clear and precise post about a very important and mis-understood problem.
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July 11, 2018 at 5:51 pm
Thank you Paol, and I’m glad you understand the difference between ‘feeling blue’ and having depression so clearly!
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July 11, 2018 at 6:36 pm
Reblogged this on By the Mighty Mumford and commented:
I LIKE THIS OPEN LETTER VERY MUCH…VOR I AM ONE WHO HAS CHRONIC DEPRESSION…AND HAVE TAKEN ANTIDEPRESSANTS FOR YEARS.
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July 13, 2018 at 2:26 pm
Thank you for raising awareness over such an important issue! About the word “suicide”, I don’t think there’s something inherently wrong with the word. I think what’s wrong is that people believe it to be a choice, as you pointed out.
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July 13, 2018 at 2:38 pm
I agree with you there Sarah, but I think it’s easier to stop using the word than to change the way people think about it – words are too strongly associated with incorrect meanings sometimes, so changing the wording will change the thinking about a particular subject. Thank you for reading, and I’m glad you enjoyed it!
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July 13, 2018 at 3:03 pm
Yeah I totally get where you’re coming from! You’re very welcome ☺️
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July 14, 2018 at 12:13 am
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July 20, 2018 at 9:08 pm
You absolutely have my permission, I’m so glad you enjoyed it! Unfortunately I do, indeed, have quite a deal of experience in this area, both in my own life and in the lives of many close friends.
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July 16, 2018 at 2:27 am
Hey I feel like this really needed to be said out loud.
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July 16, 2018 at 7:40 am
Heythis found some inspiration here https://innerdialects.wordpress.com/2018/07/16/embracing-healing/
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July 16, 2018 at 11:33 am
Wow I really enjoyed that! I can’t figure out how to like it from my phone, but that was a really cool story, thanks for sharing
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July 22, 2018 at 11:24 pm
Great piece. Thank you for liking my post. Here is my facebook page for more https://www.facebook.com/Vincent-Heart-1562332773863590/
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July 25, 2018 at 12:16 pm
Yupp. Highly correct. There needs to be more medical R and D on this. To have medical push there needs to be a social push.
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August 2, 2018 at 10:17 pm
Wow! This changed my perspective and it enlightened me. Thank you! This should be shared to everyone.
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August 2, 2018 at 10:22 pm
I’m glad you enjoyed it! You can feel free to share with anyone you’d like, that’s what makes it open! 🙂
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August 2, 2018 at 10:25 pm
I already did! I hope they paid attention to it! 😀
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August 2, 2018 at 10:32 pm
Thank you for spreading it!
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August 2, 2018 at 10:28 pm
Reblogged this on My Realm.
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August 2, 2018 at 11:53 pm
More people need to understand this. Amazing post! :’)
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August 3, 2018 at 2:05 pm
suicide is often one of the bravest acts a being can perform. I often feel like passing on, but do not have the courage to kill this body. too often those on the other side of it are the selfish ones, for they do not take into account or understand the pain that the loved one is in or going through, and usually all alone.
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August 3, 2018 at 3:39 pm
I disagree vehemently. I think it takes far more courage to stay alive and trust that things will get better! That doesn’t mean I think dying from depression is cowardly, any more than dying from cancer, just that it takes courage to fight any potentially terminal illness.
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August 4, 2018 at 8:13 pm
Thanks for sharing this. I’ve been living with clinical depression for most of my life, and a combo of two years book ended with depressive episodes and an emotionally abusive relationship with a drug user put me deep in the hole. I was lucky enough to get spiritual and medical guidance that got me into a intensive outpatient hospitalization and it did help. I do my best to explain to people that depression is a disease, just like any other. It helps me to remember it too. I wouldn’t hate myself if i had pneumonia – I’d just be upset that I have it and work on treating it.
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August 4, 2018 at 9:40 pm
It’s sounds like you’ve got the right mindset about it now, and that was super key in my own recovery! I’m not 100% but I’m much better than I was, and I’m very happy to hear that you’re doing better as well.
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August 7, 2018 at 5:47 pm
I can see you put a lot of valued thought into this, I see depression in several different facets one is sure this direction you have so well put together here. I have walked hallways that were so dark no light could penetrate. I thought about death, and life and tried to find answers to decide which was appropriate to choose.. I was very adamantly in favor of self-destiny. I was against anyone telling me I had to live I had to try. It was the darkest time of my life and I can’t even say why. I went to therapy twice a week. Even talked about how I might decide to check out. I had no feelings, didn’t care one way or the other how my life went. I was numb to everyone and everything. Somehow that therapist and the patience of my wife saved me. For a long time, I still held tightly to the thoughts that if someone wanted to kill themselves they should be allowed that choice. After watching enough people move across the void through death somewhere I changed that thought. Your analysis rings very true to my experience. Today I am happy and living. So all those transmitters must be working well. Thanks, I hope others read this.
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August 7, 2018 at 6:03 pm
I’m so happy to hear that you’re in a better place now! Once upon a time I too believed that people should have the right to end their own lives, but I’ve since come to believe that they deserve treatment, even against their own will, because the depression is what’s causing them to crave death, not their own rational thoughts
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August 16, 2018 at 1:06 am
I find that using diabetes as an example to demonstrate how depression (or any other psychiatric illness) should be understood helps – you wouldn’t shame someone for taking insulin, now, would you? Then why shame someone suffering from depression? It’s the same thing, it just so happens that the chemical missing is different.
The main issue there seems to be that depression and most other mental illnesses are understood to be psychological, not physiological/neurological (hence “mental” not “physical”.) That’s partially why people often say the things that they do: they think depression is just “feeling blue” due to some external factor, not an internal issue. That’s where the ever-infuriating “but you’re so lucky in life” comes from (if I had a quarter every time I heard that, I would put them in a sock and bludgeon whoever said that next… and go to jail ’cause it’d probably be heavy enough to kill ’em.)
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August 16, 2018 at 8:17 am
Diabetes is a perfect analogy, you’re right!
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August 20, 2018 at 3:54 am
Good post!
A traumatic event during childhood triggered a chronic depression that was never properly diagnosed until I was in my late forties. The past ten years, I’ve been in therapy, I’ve brought the depression under control, and I’ve been reasonably happy with my life.
Thanks for the post.
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August 20, 2018 at 5:01 am
I’m happy to hear you have your depression under control! Thanks for reading 🙂
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August 23, 2018 at 10:17 am
Thanks for sharing.
I don’t actually fully agree. Because suicide is death by one’s own hand. No, there’s not always the choice. But the pain of someone who knows that they could’ve helped and didn’t is more than the pain of someone who got medical treatment. I liked your post though, because it’s thought provoking and a lot of it is really true.
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October 7, 2018 at 10:07 pm
death by suicide gets a special word because it’s the saddest death … death by uncontrollable means is typical death but suicide is the saddest death because you know someone killed themselves …
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November 15, 2018 at 9:37 am
I understand your points. The abyss can feel like prolonged drowning.
New studies reveal that depression may be linked to gut health.
I don’t know if it really means anything or not, only more studies will tell.
My personal walk has included better eating and understanding that grasping for the edges is futile, because I’m not falling. I’m standing. It feels like I’m falling, but it is just a perception I have attached to the physical manifestation of dread…..something that started before I could walk or talk. It took many years to separate myself from the lies my body was telling me.
I hope you find peace….whatever, and however it may look.
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November 15, 2018 at 10:08 am
Reblogged this on The Lazy Disaster Artist And Coffee! and commented:
In better terms than I’d ever explain it.
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November 15, 2018 at 4:12 pm
Well said, hitting all the important notes. I like the last note about the word suicide. “What did he die of?” Suicide? No, a fatal illness. I see suicide as homicide of self. But they don’t say, “He died of homicide.” It’s gunshot, knife, poison, whatever.
Grabs me when I hear pundits talk about gun ownership limits (I don’t have and don’t want one) for “people with mental health problems” as if all mental illness causes violence.
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November 28, 2018 at 12:55 am
Having read this I believed it was really enlightening. I appreciate you
taking the time and energy to put this information together.
I once again find myself personally spending a significant amount of time both reading and commenting.
But so what, it was still worth it!
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December 3, 2018 at 10:12 am
I couldn’t resist commenting. Very well written!
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