Flat on my back,
Sweating but swaddled
Thirsty but drinkless
Hungry but foodless
Fidgety but motionless,
So many problems with so many simple solutions
Alarm clock screaming from miles away
Who knew it took this much effort to exist?
These chains in my brain just keep getting stronger
And as much as I strain I just can’t break my bondage
I’m late for work – again.
And I want to explain that it takes a Herculean effort
Just to turn on the goddamn light
So how am I supposed to
Get up
Get dressed
Get food
Brush teeth
Pack lunch
Walk to car
Drive to work
When I can’t even turn off that alarm that must be somewhere in the next county?
“Sure sounds like laziness to me”
Okay but I’m broke
Not because I don’t have any money
But because I have not deposited a paycheck in three months.
Somehow that basic need is too much effort.
I skipped dinner twice this week;
How is the kitchen that far away?
Is the cure for laziness really just self-control?
What about the cure for executive dysfunction?
Is that the same thing but with an excuse for a name?
Every solution requires an action
But these chains won’t let me move
And I’m no Samson
All I can do is silently scream for help
Shiny Objects 
April 4, 2019 at 12:01 am
You’re not lazy, the struggle is real. No one knows how hard it is except those who do. I’m glad you understand (and sorry for saying that).
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April 4, 2019 at 12:02 am
The struggle is so real, and it’s gratifying that there are others who understand, but I’m terrified of admitting my own struggles to those around me because from the perspective of somebody who doesn’t understand it probably looks a lot like laziness
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April 4, 2019 at 12:06 am
Think of it this way: Many people actually are lazy and pathological laziness is not that bad. So even if you only seem that way, it’s not the worst image. And those who look down on you just don’t have anything better to do.
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April 4, 2019 at 12:09 am
But maybe I am actually just lazy and somebody with fancy letters after their name and fancy papers on their office wall told me it wasn’t my fault.
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April 4, 2019 at 12:11 am
If you’re lazy, and it’s real, then you ought to fear laziness and “upgrade” the word’s power at least a few notches.
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April 4, 2019 at 12:11 am
Like not treat it like some trivial thing. I think that’s my problem, too.
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April 4, 2019 at 12:10 am
No but genuinely, thank you, that is a useful way to look at it if I stop being the devil’s advocate for a single second
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April 4, 2019 at 12:24 am
Pretty powerful words. Some people in my family fight depression too. It’s so hard. Keep on keeping on.
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April 6, 2019 at 10:04 am
“Who knew it took this much effort to exist?”
Continuous striving is a product of consumerism. Wordsworth had some advice for this:
“The eye–it cannot choose but see;
We cannot bid the ear be still;
Our bodies feel, where’er they be,
Against or with our will.
“Nor less I deem that there are Powers
Which of themselves our minds impress;
That we can feed this mind of ours
In a wise passiveness.
“Think you, ‘mid all this mighty sum
Of things for ever speaking,
That nothing of itself will come,
But we must still be seeking?”
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June 28, 2019 at 9:07 pm
Really simple and sweet Poetry.I loved it
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