After spending so much time and money
Fixing the drive-train, the brakes,
When is it worth it to fix the stereo?
I’ve caged my demons,
Though still they shriek,
I’ve conquered my mountain;
Precarious precipice holds for now.
Yes, temporary sanity is mine,
But I can’t reach anyone;
Alone I stand on this peak,
Trapped within myself.
I see the way off,
But these ropes are a tangled mess
And I lack the energy to fix this, too,
After clawing my way up by tooth and nail.
The difficult is done,
But this is different;
Can’t learn my way out,
Can’t cope my way off.
No, this time I must fight,
Fight a monster within me
And for what?
Only the last shred of my own humanity.
She was right that I’m afraid.
She was right that I’m not whole.
She brought a battering ram to my walls
And bounced right back just as I told her she would.
Safer not to try.
Because these walls come from the deep
Unexplored parts of me,
And I don’t want to know what I’ll find there.